Literally Screwed
by gardapati
Summary: Alternatively, a collection of hilariously bad pornos you'd think was deliberately taken from obscure teen-porn movies. Will be taking requests. 2: Umi/Maki — Office!AU thing. Maki plays domination game. Umi is so whipped it's almost hilarious.
1. Chapter 1

**Notes**: [1] Another multi-chapter fic from me... this time a one-shot compilation thingy. Err. _Lemony _one-shot compilation thingy.

[2] Requested by an anon. I get really nervous when it comes to writing NozoEri because I… afraid I might not be able to do them justice. They're too sexy for me to write. So! Have this little drabble of Nozomi and Eri having a depressingly bad sex.

* * *

"So," Eri speaks up in attempt to break the ice, sitting on the other side of the bed and fixes her gaze onto the wall like it's one of the world's seven wonders, and she can feel a pseudo-tremor from the other side of the bed where Nozomi is sitting at, with her back to her, and as just as obsessed at the wall, "you know," Eri slips in a cough that sounds more like a desperate plea for help, "now what?"

Nozomi yelps either out of surprise or terror. Or both. Eri bites her tongue to suppress her laughter while gripping the bed sheet tightly. It's certainly a thing to note just how crumpled her side of the bed already even though they have yet to hump each other. "Um!" Nozomi squeaks out a reply, "um, maybe, er," the shaking on the bed rises up in Richter scale and Eri just _has to _turn her head to face the other girl, "it's all up to you, Ericchi…"

Eri gulps and her fist clenches tighter and she thinks at this rate her side of sheet will be crumpled _and _bloody. She watches how Nozomi fidgets under the pressuring awkwardness while pulling her feet to her chest, hugging them tightly, looking smaller than ever and so, _so, _adorably _irresistible_. Eri flinches at her cheesy description of the whole thing and silently thanks God for inner monologue.

"So, uhh,"

"Y-Yes?"

"When are we going to get to the juicy parts,"

"Ericchi!"

…and Eri actually shuts her mouth this time for good. With the mood pretty much had thrown out the window, there's nothing else she can do, really. Unfortunately, she stillcraves to get some. After all, even with all the things considered and her rather sharpened self-restraint skill, she has her own Achilles Heel – which is her 'healthy adolescent sex drive'.

Plus. Moving in with Nozomi ever since the start of the college has been a long and arduous path of taming her carnal desires. And. And Nozomi's habit of wearing those cute, pink, frilly and not to mention – kind of… body-fitting aprons when she's cooking up dinners brought her some dirty (but still enjoyable!) fantasies on more than one occasion.

So. Eri stands up abruptly and Nozomi lets out her umpteenth yelp (Nozomi's been so jumpy nowadays and the fact irks Eri by a little bit for making her feeling like a middle-aged train molester). Then she makes her way onto the other side of the bed and stops just in front of Nozomi, who's still curled into a fetal position.

"Ericchi?"

Eri takes two or three steps back.

"Um… Ericchi?"

Without further ado, Eri leaps onto Nozomi to tackle the girl to the bed and gets herself on the top and maybe, just maybe, they can start the lovemaking session already, but no, since God decides that their first time will be a _phenomenally _bad one, Nozomi manages to side-step her way to the left, which results in Eri sailing past over her and lies face-first on the mattress.

"Ericchi, were you trying to kill me?" Nozomi says in a tone that sounds so serious it's not even funny.

"_No,_" Eri replies while pushing her face away from the mattress and gets into a sitting position, "that wasn't supposed to happen! God!"

"Maybe we should take on the calmer and less adrenaline involving way around this,"

Eri half-snaps, half-disappointed at herself for nearly snapping at Nozomi, "And ends up sitting facing away from each other throughout the night until it's 6 AM?!"

Nozomi shrugs this time. "It saves you from further embarrassment."

"No. _No_. You grope people all the time but when it comes down to the actual sex you turned into a bumbling little raccoon," Eri notices how the volume of her voice is halfway into furious shouting and quickly lowers her voice into a hissing whisper, "and you haven't groped me even once," she leans in closer to Nozomi while the latter shrinks into smaller size if that is even possible.

"They're too big," Nozomi lowers her gaze to her fidgeting palms.

"Nozomi!"

Silence settles in. An awkward one at that. And Eri actually feels bad about it, thinking that she probably scared the girl away. It wasn't supposed to be like this! The fluffy first time she dreamed of frequently! Or the smoking hot ones where Nozomi tops her badly and she's somehow got herself chained to the bed and stripped off anything remotely considered clothing. She's fine with either.

Nozomi breaks the tense atmosphere by rummaging through the things under the bed and pulls out a board of Othello.

"_Do you want to sleep with me or not_," Eri seethes, and this time there's a visible blazing tongue of fire behind her. It is symbolic to her being ran out of her patience and her still not getting any even though it's past 11 PM.

"I-I, want to, but," Nozomi's voice tapers off into a mumble and Eri resists the urge to plant her face on the mattress once more, but then again she probably has kissed more bed than Nozomi for the past hours or so, "I can't do this. But I want to. I really do, Ericchi."

"Why so?"

"I don't know. That might have something to do with the fact that we're both females. And are in love with each other."

Eri sighs as she grabs the Othello, sitting on the bed in all its cockblocking glory and so, _so _looking out of place, and shoves it under the bed once again. She's kind of glad that Nozomi's hesitation to quick, ravenous humping isn't out of lack of desire, and in all honesty, Nozomi… kind of… wants her too. At least it's mutual, and consensual, and that's nice. "Alright, so what should we do now?"

"Umm, sex?"

"Sure. Want me to get my Campbell for references on how female-on-female mating works?" Eri follows her words with a chuckle and Nozomi returns her with one of her own. Sure, they messed up big time, and their first time will be one memory they will look back upon in disgust, but she digresses. She finalizes her decision of just sucking it up and leans in even closer to the other girl, as her hands start working their way on the buttons of Nozomi's pajama…

* * *

**Notes**: [3] This is probably the unsexiest thing I've ever written in my whole life.

[4] Next up is a request from **lineonthecanvas**, a Honoka/Maki. (And it'll haveporn too!) Please look forward to it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes**: [1] I... lost my Honoka/Maki doc. Will rewrite it sometime in the future, I guess... in the meantime, enjoy this shitty Umi/Maki (but not really, but I _guess _it's kind of, sort of, Umi/Maki) I wrote for these two authors I looked up to. ^^;

* * *

It probably wasn't a lie to say that... whatever... something... there is between them started with the corporate's raging pent-up hormone and Sonoda Umi's unusual bad luck streak. The first time it happened for real, Maki called her into her office, instructed her to read her report she had meticulously prepared beforehand while spread-eagle on the sofa and head-to-toe naked. She'd said it in the straightest face possible, hands crossed in front of her chest, leaning casually backwards to the sleek black office chair. Her phone on loudspeaker, playing something Beethoven remixed to the tune of 21st century. The sleeves of her two million yen suit rolled up halfway through her arms, elbows peeking just a little bit. Heck, she looked like a metropolitan college student trying to worm her way out of looming assignments due in twelve hours instead of, you know, _the youngest multi-billionaire in Asia_.

Sonoda Umi malfunctioned on the spot, but followed her "instructions" to the very end anyway. She read the entire damned report trembling, trying hard not to look Nishikino Maki in the eyes, but it was... _kind of _difficult to not do so. Everytime her voice hitched in a mix of embarrassment and _thrill_, Nishikino Maki's lips twitched slightly upwards. When Nishikino Maki stood up, her heart hammered so hard against her chest, bludgeoning her ribcages, adding even more unnecessary embarrassment since it was probably loud enough to be heard across the room where Nishikino Maki stood still.

When Nishikino Maki walked to her side, when Nishikino Maki unbuckled her one million yen diamond-studded belt, when Nishikino Maki pulled her up from the couch and pushed her roughly onto the five million yen table, when Nishikino Maki whispered into her reddening ear, "Raise your hips, and stay still.", when all she did in response was nod, teeth-gritted, as Nishikino Maki jammed her ten trillion yen finger into her inside—

And she whimpered, she cried out, she clasped a hand over her mouth in effort to hold down whatever humiliating noises she would make, she panted, she _begged for more_—

The second time, Nishikino Maki dragged her to the nearest toilet stall and fucked her square there in such closed and tight space with the door wide open. People walked in, awed at them, took photos, selfies, whatever, and _fuck_, she could have covered her face so she wouldn't be the next big thing to talk about after the Secretary Ayase's thighs and her on-and-off fucking with fellow co-worker Tojo-san. But she didn't, after all, she was so high, so _up there _at the time, with Nishikino Maki's fingers covered with poundsterling bills ramming her ass, with the crowd jerking off to lewd nothings Nishikino Maki whispered into her ears, to the whimpers she made.

The next time, Nishikino Maki fingered her under the table in the middle of an international conference. The other time, Nishikino Maki drove her home without pants on and told her to lick her as she drove. The _other _other time, Nishikino Maki pulled her to the toilet of some five-stars restaurant and fucked her while she held onto the sink tightly and ass exposed and her mouth stuffed with hundred thousand yen bills. There was also this one time when Nishikino Maki speed-dialled her _and _Secretary Ayase and they had an awesome orgies threesome thing. Secretary Ayase forcing her tongue on her, pulling her hair, the kisses trailing down to her collarbone, to her chest, and she'll leave marks, because that's just the kind of person Secretary Ayase is. Nishikino Maki screwing her ass from behind, biting the nape of her neck, on the phone with Tojo-san over Serious Matters. And, _God, _it was _fantastic._

And, and there was this one time too where it was just the two of them inside the executive's room and miraculously, they weren't screwing each other senseless. The two of them sitting on the couch, fully-clothed, hands around each other. It wasn't really romantic. There was no such thing as love between them. There never was.

"What are we, anyway," Nishikino Maki asked to her. Her face scrunched up. She was supposed to be the one who asked that sacred query.

"Nishikino-san, I think I'm the one who should ask that to _you_,"

"No, no. To me, you are... what was the word again? Secretary Ayase said it once—"

"_Fucktoy_?" Umi shrugged, chuckled, and crossed a leg over another. "Nishikino-san, some questions aren't meant to be answered. A dear friend of mine taught me a long time ago: sometimes you have to... lie there and go with the flow."

"True. Also," Maki wrapped a hand on the back of Umi's head, grabbed a fistful of blue, and pulled her close enough to feel her breath fastening into an _allegro_, "Maki. Just Maki, Umi-_senpai_."


End file.
